so I netflixed scarlett, the mid-90s tv miniseries based on alexandra ripley's "sequel" to gone with the wind. absurdity all over the place, but i was ALL about this shit when i was in middle school.
gone with the wind is a big deal to me because it got to me young. i remember sobbing hysterically on my bedroom floor when i finished the book for the first time, and falling into a weird quiet sullenness for weeks afterwards as i silently obsessed about this book. but then, maybe that's a bookish only-child behavior. i had the same experience with little women and interview with the vampire, for example, but gone with the wind took the longest time to get over.
anyway, the miniseries (and probably the book, but i don't think i'll be re-reading it to find out) is very, very cheesy. dramatic, overdone, pathetically riding the coattails of gone with the wind. in scarlett, she rattles off all of the famous phrases at least once, "fiddle dee dee!" "tomorrow is another day," and "i'll think about that tomorrow." lots of blustery drama, what margaret mitchell simply implied about scarlett's character, she openly declares in the miniseries. i'm scarlett o'hara! no one beats me! i never quit! etc!
i turned it off in exasperation this morning but later realized that this book/miniseries somehow made a deep impression on my ideas of adulthood and what a woman should be, and what i expected myself to become. someone born with an innate sense of superiority and purpose, yet a strong gauge for right and wrong, who went around righting injustices and saving the day, constantly battling the forces of evil and winning after a dramatic struggle. all of which would, of course, be accompanied by a sassy and witty dialogue. hah! it will suffice to say that this is not how my adulthood has turned out. or not yet.
it is funny and interesting to me to consider how i viewed the future at that age. i had no concept of work or serving time in school. essentially, i had no clue or somehow completely ignored the concept of a daily reality. i just knew that i would (i must) arrive at an end result that was satisfactory to me in the ways that i needed it to be. i would be independent, always striving toward some noble goal, taking care of those weaker than myself, accomplishing the seemingly impossible - oh, and there would be horses. everything was negotiable, but horses must be involved.
well, here i am. approaching the death of my extended twenties-childhood and i have no overdramatic superwoman struggles, and no horses. WTF