Monday, November 30, 2009


this is a really good excuse to go to the SAS store. every time i go, i want to buy lots and lots of RIBBON. i don't, because i don't know what the hell to do with it. this will be a good weekend project.

horse ribbon how-to. i'll make myself at least a few to honor my childhood champ rider days, like the time i was bucked off, or the time i was crushed into a fence, or the other time when horse+i almost crashed through a fence, etc., etc.

my ex-step-aunt had a gigantic quarter horse named "gnarly dude." they were rodeo people and gnarly was a star in team roping. one dusty afternoon (in casa grande) i was seated atop gnarly dude, minding my business, planning only to just sit and watch while they practiced roping. once the cow darted out of the chute, gnarly just did what felt natural and took off after him at a full gallop down the length of the arena, headed straight for the fence and raw desert behind it. somehow in my total confusion at suddenly moving 30 miles an hour, i leaned forward on his neck to grab the reins that i had thrown up in surprise, and only managed to get ahold of the right side, which i gave a vicious yank. he instantly turned right - into the cow chute, where he ambled along docilely until my step-aunt's weatherbeaten old 70 year old cowboy husband pulled me off before i peed the saddle. evidently randomly pulling right instead of left was what saved me from certain death or injury, because gnarly was afraid to run in the chute.

that's my story about almost getting myself killed at age 10 on a horse 17 hands high. maybe i'll make a ribbon and put GNARLY on one streamer and DUDE on the other. eh?

Sunday, November 29, 2009


i was super excited to finally go to pete's for some awful greasy food. unfortunately it was not all i had hoped for, but it is cheap and they do have decent hot dogs. and a drive-thru, for getting hotdogs fast. they're pretty rude there (i daresay even mean) at the 44th street location, though, and they serve some kind of shitty ketchup + water + sriracha mix instead of regular ketchup. i love ketchup, so this was kind of a problem. good fries, though.


dear uppity handmade universe:

i try to stick with you when i can; i sought you out tonight because when the temperature in arizona dips below 50 degrees, i freeze to death and need a scarf. so i searched high and low on etsy, and i just have to make it clear that while i understand that it takes a couple of viewings of juno or garden state to get such a scarf crocheted out, i'm still not paying fifty bucks for this shit, not now, not ever.

fuck you, i am going to target.

seriously, everything on etsy is really ugly, too. i was surprised. i need an ana voog scarf.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

just a baby! a baby on heroin.

i love these. elva fields.

Monday, November 16, 2009

still suffering from this weekend. i think my body is retaining any water i can possibly drink. and i still feel like i'm full of dirt. but, it was a lot of fun and i wish i had taken more pictures.

i've only uploaded some of them so far. i've slept so much in the past two days, i feel like a zombie.

and i'm spent.
anne sexton

why does everyone say she's better than sylvia plath? just talking shit? hard to say. i like her crazy and sometimes she's pretty great, but she is creepy, no? it's part of what makes her interesting, especially looking like that, but i have always found it hard to get into it. still i think she's fascinating and would liked to have met her.

She is stuck in the time machine, suddenly two years old sucking her thumb, as inward as a snail, learning to talk again. She's on a voyage. She is swimming further and further back, up like a salmon, struggling into her mother's pocketbook. Little doll child, come here to Papa. Sit on my knee. I have kisses for the back of your neck. A penny for your thoughts, Princess. I will hunt them like an emerald.

If if is to come, she said, sleep must take me unawares while I am laughing or dancing so that I do not know that brutal place where I lie down with cattle prods, the hole in my cheek open. Further, I must not dream for when I do I see the table set and a faltering crone at my place, her eyes burnt by cigarettes as she eats betrayal like a slice of meat.

I must not sleep for while I'm asleep I'm ninety and think I'm dying. Death rattles in my throat like a marble. I wear tubes like earrings. I lie as still as a bar of iron. You can stick a needle through my kneecap and I won't flinch. I'm all shot up with Novocain. This trance girl is yours to do with. You could lay her in a grave, an awful package, and shovel dirt on her face and she'd never call back: Hello there! But if you kissed her on the mouth her eyes would spring open and she'd call out: Daddy! Daddy! Presto! She's out of prison.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

made the fair this year. it was a week night towards the end of the run, so we had virtually no lines all night. i had one drink at hula beforehand that was so strong that i was officially drunk before i finished it.

we staggered past the animal exhibit, looking for a bathroom and vowing to see them on the way out. you can imagine my dismay, of course, when they had already closed the whole thing up by the time we left. no rabbits, cows, or fancy chickens! best part of the fair. ugh! we did see the pigeons.

not exactly carnivale, is it.

i love how trashy and ridiculous the fair is. i love the hokey cowboyishness (of the north sector only?), the all-indian rodeo, the huge barbecue pit set up by the entrance, the totally absurd things people buy there, the ancient photo booths, the scary foods, all of it. i love the coliseum, i even just like that city block because that's where the fair is held. i guess i just loved it that much as a kid, i can't let it go. back then, the prized items to bring home from the fair were glittery plastic "rockstar wigs" and those foam lizards that came on wire leashes. when you twitched the wire, it made the lizard dance and walk. what the hell happened to those!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009



today was so incredibly taxing and dramatic. i woke up with a mini migraine, which should have been a sign.

so there were lots of complications with the surgery, but he is fine. i could die to look at him, though. 8 stitches in his little face with the skin all rumpled. he looks like frankenstein's monster. he wouldn't settle down tonight, just wandered drunkenly in his e collar, stumbling and whimpering. finally i dosed him with some pain meds and he's sleeping now. this is going to be a rough week!

Monday, November 9, 2009

my dog is having surgery tomorrow. i'm very nervous about this, but his tumor is so volatile and hideous that it's got to come off immediately. the thing gets larger and changes shape every day. nightmare! it still doesn't seem to hurt, although i think it itches as he swipes at it once in a while, and it is now weeping a watery fluid tinged with blood. i would describe it more as it's pretty epic, but i suppose no one wants to know about that.

i feel like he knows. i am so nervous that he's going to die! or have cancer.

did people really sleep in those lucy & ricky his & her separated twin beds OTHER than on television? is that even a twin? what a frigid and uncomfortable setup. who the fuck! i need some stats on how often this kind of thing actually happened.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

sunday = lying in bed watching 30 rock while the dog eats crumbs off my shirt.

1. at what point do i just become liz lemon (sans cool job) and
2. will it be as cute as it is in the show or
3. will it just be pathetic



Wednesday, November 4, 2009

i want to go to this! but mostly i want to see the salton sea. no way will i be able to talk anyone into this. except one person, probably, but she has a kid and probably can't. come to think of it, i haven't seen hide nor hair of this girl since she disappeared into the oblivion of a new relationship. oh, people.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

who knew sonny barger was such a piece of ass?

i have a couple of his books but somehow have yet to read them. i was working at changing hands when one of them came out. sonny arrived for the book-signing with a blonde on either arm and two behemoth meathead bodyguards, and it was STILL kind of underwhelming! it was a very awkward signing. he seemed pretty put out by the whole thing. either way, it was entertaining enough to see him at changing hands, of all places. the baddest guy around, seated at a folding table in the hippiest, earth-motheriest, most granola place ever.

my dad used to go for drinks at the cave creek clubhouse's bar. i want to go! i'm sure photos are ~not allowed~
he told me he was there as a meeting was about to start once. guys streamed in with hands full of cash which they laid onto the bar one by one. club dues. i wonder how much they have to pay. evidently the HA is the moneyed dirtbag's gang - not everyone can afford to be a brother and often have to look elsewhere for less expensive clubs to join. fringe bike gang castes! hilarious.

either way, i'd hit it (then)

but i seem to have an unhealthy interest in terrible people. damn! better luck next time, i guess.

Monday, November 2, 2009

i hope that it falls on you

can't hold a smile

halloween at work with the girls.

i've been watching grey gardens a lot over the past two days again. "everything's good that you didn't do." big edie reminds me of my grandma alyce over and over. i love the silent shot of little edie walking over to a steadily growing hole in the wall and floor where raccoons were tearing at the house. she throws a loaf of bread to them in the hole, not resentful, just taking care of them because they're alive and they're there. no concern for propriety or whatever the decent folk are doing. bring me that life asap!

heldt lumber. i've always had a soft spot for this place. the man who owned my dad's old house before he did, fred fuller, worked there. he was a very eccentric old man with cabinets full of awesome treasures for me to go through as a kid. when he died, his daughter sold the house and everything in it, and my dad kept it all! cigar boxes full of pipes, poker sets, office supplies from the 60s, stamp collections, boxes of bullets, old decks of cards, and, most importantly to me at the time, paper. hundreds of pads of paper half of which bore the letterhead of heldt lumber and the other half of santa fe railroads. he must've worked for them, too. boxes of these pads of paper on which i scribbled endless stories and pictures. over a period of five years i used every pad. anyway, i noticed recently that they put up this awesome installation on the side of the building, subtly spelling out the company name in the wood. can you see it? H E L D T. the wood was green when they put it up and now it's deepening. i should increase the contrast so it's obvious, but i'm too lazy to fire photoshop up.

love this cat at hollywood regency. shit! i almost forgot about the cat at metro retro. this thing reminded me of some kind of 70s sci fi movie. a huge, angular white cat with one green eye and one so icy blue it looked white. it was so austere and angled, like an egyptian statue, sitting all symmetrically with two paws perfectly tucked under. when i walked over to it, it let out this meow that sounded like some kind of broken electronic clock chime. BRAUUUUU. i should go back just to get some shots of it.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

so my dog has a tumor. the vet is concerned by how fast it's grown and recommends that it come off immediately & be tested to see if it's malignant or not. fuck! when i took him in for it last month, the vet said not to worry, that it was just a bite or scratch that had gotten infected, and to put some antibiotics on it.

last month:


he told me that even if it were malignant, issues with tumors like this are usually taken care of with the removal. no spreading. but then, he also told me it was a bug bite. i hate to put vaughn under anesthesia because vets are often underskilled or understaffed when it comes to monitoring the animal's condition under the anesthetic throughout the procedure, making sure they don't "slip away," which, according to my paranoid googling, happens all the time. that's why i have refused to have his unusually gross teeth (for his age & massive milkbone consumption) cleaned by the vet. can't risk it!

so anyway, i'll probably have it done at the end of this coming week. poor doggle!

speaking of poor doggles, i am totally calling the sheriff's office on my grandma's neighbors tomorrow. i suppose the only good thing about arpaio is his alleged rampage against animal cruelty. i have not researched whether this is just a spectacle or whether he really is making things happen. anyway, i think the neighbors are beating the dog. he used to be robust, barking and raising hell all the time. he was annoying! now he just slinks through their backyard like a little shadow, never barking, flinching at any sudden movements and acting like a broken thing. he's also totally underfed, way too thin. god damn people. hopefully the agency will actually send someone out. i guess if nothing happens, i could get all ALF on their asses and cut a hole in the chain link fence with some wire cutters, then abduct him and take him to a no-kill shelter. i can't add to my barnyard, but he's sweet and good looking and probably wouldn't languish long before someone adopted him.