i just had the most absurd roach experience. i haven't dealt with having sewer roaches in my place in a long time, and i guess i've grown soft. i saw one motor out of my bathroom from the corner of my eye earlier and instantly lost it. i paused my movie and sat in frozen terror on my bed, trying to come up with a way to get out of this situation. after too long, i formulated a plan: kill the roach.
as i was dressing (on the bed), the thing approached my bedroom door. things i have learned about roaches: they do not respond to yelling and wild gesturing even if they are big enough that you want to treat them like an animal, not an insect. they do not respond to flung water. they do, however, respond to the wild shaking of a wells fargo statement. it bolted from view long enough for me to grab my things and dart out to the store to spend a stupid amount of my previously carefully budgeted money on roach-killing things.
on the way home i thought about that episode of this american life where they talked about infestations. bed bugs, roaches. so many roaches that they crawled into the unfortunate tenants' ear canals and had to be removed in the ER. MORE THAN ONCE. i saw a cop car on the way and wanted to flag them over and say, hey, make yourself useful. follow me.
anyway, it's over. my place is now littered with roach traps. i came home and saw the thing hunkering behind my trash can and sprayed it wildly with raid while screaming uncontrollably. did i mention how large it was? the neighbor dogs started barking. i really am surprised/disappointed in the level of freakout i displayed, but what can you do.