Saturday, September 19, 2009

so, ah.

home and by myself all weekend. such a born loner! it doesn't bother me at all. in fact, i hardly notice it because i'm busy. i become stressed out when i can't be alone. i think i need it in order to get over being around so many people at work all week.

i was so stressed on friday. though nothing especially bad had happened, i just felt that i had had a complete assfull of work for the week, and i actually teared up a few times in the morning just thinking about all i had left to do! good god. sometimes i have to take a step back from all of the constant running it takes just to maintain a life and ask myself if that actually IS life. i feel like a cog in a machine that can never stop moving. and, frankly, that's something that i can't let myself think about. it's too utterly depressing.

maybe as a result, i've been saving money - obsessively. only for the past month. i used to spend to make myself feel better, and now i think i'll try a more proactive angle, as the former didn't exactly work out. besides, recycling or reworking something i already own into something new that i've decided i need makes me feel like a crafty fox.

i did let up on my spending moratorium slightly to go out and buy the supplies for a non-dairy milkshake, because i seem to think about chocolate shakes like 2x a day here. awesome. yeah, i can't have dairy anymore. it's giving me probs. so i have in effect become a quasi, resentful vegan. meat's out, dairy's out. still eating eggs because i need them, and still eating sushi because damn. a bitch gotta live, right? anyway, the vegan shake was awesome. non-soy, non-dairy vanilla bean ice cream + some vanilla rice dream + hershey's syrup (no milk in this? radical) i recommend. but i have to admit - the blender kind of scares me.

i'll add that to my list of strange fears and alarming things:

blenders, balloons, the ocean, mirrors in dark rooms, and i'm sure everything else that i'm alarmed by will become increasingly supernaturalish. thankfully married to the sea can summarize my concern re: balloons here.

can tv shows and online comics be my soulmates? apparently. married to the sea, anything tina fey does, and achewood.

but i suppose if loretta lynn can be my spirit animal, then a tv show can be my soulmate.

oh and my dog has a mystery sore on his face as of today. it's red and raised and the size of a very large zit. but it is not raw or open, just raised. hard to describe, but there are still hairs on it. though it is probably nothing, it could be absolutely anything, so of course i'm thinking the worst. and will be calling the vet tomorrow. between this and my car's imminent service, i'm going to be none too happy about draining my baby savings account already.

1 comment:

skinnyGLASSESgirl said...

I'm always sitting at home alone-i get kinda bored tho. All of my friends either work opposite schedule's or are married or I just get lazy and don't go out.

I hope your doggy is ok! Maybe it's a boil.