just a baby! a baby on heroin.

i love these. elva fields.

still suffering from this weekend. i think my body is retaining any water i can possibly drink. and i still feel like i'm full of dirt. but, it was a lot of fun and i wish i had taken more pictures.

i've only uploaded some of them so far. i've slept so much in the past two days, i feel like a zombie.

and i'm spent.

anne sexton

why does everyone say she's better than sylvia plath? just talking shit? hard to say. i like her crazy and sometimes she's pretty great, but she is creepy, no? it's part of what makes her interesting, especially looking like that, but i have always found it hard to get into it. still i think she's fascinating and would liked to have met her.

She is stuck in the time machine, suddenly two years old sucking her thumb, as inward as a snail, learning to talk again. She's on a voyage. She is swimming further and further back, up like a salmon, struggling into her mother's pocketbook. Little doll child, come here to Papa. Sit on my knee. I have kisses for the back of your neck. A penny for your thoughts, Princess. I will hunt them like an emerald.

If if is to come, she said, sleep must take me unawares while I am laughing or dancing so that I do not know that brutal place where I lie down with cattle prods, the hole in my cheek open. Further, I must not dream for when I do I see the table set and a faltering crone at my place, her eyes burnt by cigarettes as she eats betrayal like a slice of meat.

I must not sleep for while I'm asleep I'm ninety and think I'm dying. Death rattles in my throat like a marble. I wear tubes like earrings. I lie as still as a bar of iron. You can stick a needle through my kneecap and I won't flinch. I'm all shot up with Novocain. This trance girl is yours to do with. You could lay her in a grave, an awful package, and shovel dirt on her face and she'd never call back: Hello there! But if you kissed her on the mouth her eyes would spring open and she'd call out: Daddy! Daddy! Presto! She's out of prison.

made the fair this year. it was a week night towards the end of the run, so we had virtually no lines all night. i had one drink at hula beforehand that was so strong that i was officially drunk before i finished it.

we staggered past the animal exhibit, looking for a bathroom and vowing to see them on the way out. you can imagine my dismay, of course, when they had already closed the whole thing up by the time we left. no rabbits, cows, or fancy chickens! best part of the fair. ugh! we did see the pigeons.

not exactly carnivale, is it.

i love how trashy and ridiculous the fair is. i love the hokey cowboyishness (of the north sector only?), the all-indian rodeo, the huge barbecue pit set up by the entrance, the totally absurd things people buy there, the ancient photo booths, the scary foods, all of it. i love the coliseum, i even just like that city block because that's where the fair is held. i guess i just loved it that much as a kid, i can't let it go. back then, the prized items to bring home from the fair were glittery plastic "rockstar wigs" and those foam lizards that came on wire leashes. when you twitched the wire, it made the lizard dance and walk. what the hell happened to those!

O M

F G

today was so incredibly taxing and dramatic. i woke up with a mini migraine, which should have been a sign.

so there were lots of complications with the surgery, but he is fine. i could die to look at him, though. 8 stitches in his little face with the skin all rumpled. he looks like frankenstein's monster. he wouldn't settle down tonight, just wandered drunkenly in his e collar, stumbling and whimpering. finally i dosed him with some pain meds and he's sleeping now. this is going to be a rough week!

my dog is having surgery tomorrow. i'm very nervous about this, but his tumor is so volatile and hideous that it's got to come off immediately. the thing gets larger and changes shape every day. nightmare! it still doesn't seem to hurt, although i think it itches as he swipes at it once in a while, and it is now weeping a watery fluid tinged with blood. i would describe it more as it's pretty epic, but i suppose no one wants to know about that.

i feel like he knows. i am so nervous that he's going to die! or have cancer.

did people really sleep in those lucy & ricky his & her separated twin beds OTHER than on television? is that even a twin? what a frigid and uncomfortable setup. who the fuck! i need some stats on how often this kind of thing actually happened.

sunday = lying in bed watching 30 rock while the dog eats crumbs off my shirt.

1. at what point do i just become liz lemon (sans cool job) and

2. will it be as cute as it is in the show or

3. will it just be pathetic

?

TBA

i want to go to this! but mostly i want to see the salton sea. no way will i be able to talk anyone into this. except one person, probably, but she has a kid and probably can't. come to think of it, i haven't seen hide nor hair of this girl since she disappeared into the oblivion of a new relationship. oh, people.

who knew sonny barger was such a piece of ass?

i have a couple of his books but somehow have yet to read them. i was working at changing hands when one of them came out. sonny arrived for the book-signing with a blonde on either arm and two behemoth meathead bodyguards, and it was STILL kind of underwhelming! it was a very awkward signing. he seemed pretty put out by the whole thing. either way, it was entertaining enough to see him at changing hands, of all places. the baddest guy around, seated at a folding table in the hippiest, earth-motheriest, most granola place ever.

my dad used to go for drinks at the cave creek clubhouse's bar. i want to go! i'm sure photos are ~not allowed~

he told me he was there as a meeting was about to start once. guys streamed in with hands full of cash which they laid onto the bar one by one. club dues. i wonder how much they have to pay. evidently the HA is the moneyed dirtbag's gang - not everyone can afford to be a brother and often have to look elsewhere for less expensive clubs to join. fringe bike gang castes! hilarious.

either way, i'd hit it (then)

but i seem to have an unhealthy interest in terrible people. damn! better luck next time, i guess.