it's hard being a giant baby bitch. i am able to deal semi-gracefully with many terrible things, yet minor inconveniences are 100% unacceptable to me. i have no patience for anything and this fucking weekend is going to really test my new resolution for
Fewer Tantrums in '10!
anyway, i appear to be stressed out. maybe it's school. who cares! all i know is it's manifesting in things like really strange dreams and a.d.d.-like behaviors. last week i dreamt (apparently; i felt convinced that it really happened, but, you know) that i inexplicably called out from my bed from a dead sleep in the middle of the night, which received a reply of, "what!" from the area of my kitchen. uh. it was a male voice, and just before "he" spoke, my cat darted away into the darkness in a panic. it was very scary at the time as i instantly assumed the source of the voice was some sort of evil spirit/demon/jilted former lover combination. a whole lot of things i don't want in my house.
other than that, i've been doing a lot of: trancelike staring, thinking aloud without realizing it, and generally blowing it.
very apathetic this week. that's why, in spite of the various issues of the day, i am interested only in thinking about shit like sacred trees atop ancient burial mounds, the lunar calendar, still bemoaning the sad and mysterious death of peter steele, and watching old videos like this that, again, make me wish it was still the 90s and that i was still 15 and irresponsible, dressing like a cartoon witch and not giving a shit.