Eh? I'm going to keep writing some stuff here too. Why, because I am an adult and I do what I want.
I'm very wrapped up in atmosphere and how it affects my mood. Small things will agitate me and prevent me from doing the thing I have set out to do. It's all very princess and the pea. I am constantly having to maintain some kind of ambient environment for myself, otherwise I will just...leave. So basically that means I dislike using Wordpress as well and don't like that blog.
Also, a very sweet 92 year old woman has contacted me based on a post I wrote there about a school that she attended in the 1920s, and now we are email pals. She's so sincere and grandmotherly and charming and sweet and signs her emails with, "I hope you have a good day," and just emailed me to tell me to have a happy Thanksgiving. How can I make my vulgar observations about life there now, when I know she might see it? She's my new grandma! That's not really why, I do really dislike using Wordpress too, and I feel like this fussiness is just going to end up with me writing to myself in Gmail drafts.
So now I have three blogs. One is academic, for my internship and my mentor. One is, I guess, going to become my "professional" blog in which I comment sans vulgarity about local historic architecture bizzle dizzle. And this.
I have a hard time identifying the voice in which I am most comfortable writing. I envy people who are able to dissect parts of their own lives into beautiful prose. I'm much too private for that, and cryptic references to elements of personal experiences never come off well. You either talk or you don't.
I haven't been writing much of anything, in spite of having all these blogs and all. The less I write, the worse I get at it. Writing frequently never feels like the success it kind of is, however, because for every thousand throwaway ugly lines, there are only a few to keep. There are things I've been trying to write about for years, my relationship with my mother, my feelings about adulthood, the BBC "Victorian House" series...that I just can't elucidate.
The only reason I came over to this thing was to document this: one of the greatest, most concise summaries of Truman Capote just came out of Caitlin Moran in a New Yorker interview. Talking about other writers she admires, she says, "Truman Capote, for the ruthless way he hones and hones pages until there's no grit, no snags - the whole thing just floats off the page, like blossoms floating upwards."
Cait! So poetic! Such a perfect and delightful way to talk about the constant revision that distills into a concise, refined and very short finished product.
I had to turn a rough draft in recently for peer editing, and had spent all of my preparation time raking over and over the few paragraphs I had managed to bang out in one sitting. I turned in seven pages of the expected twenty-five and called it a success when the professor (whom I love, like, love-love) told me it was "beautifully written," and then something about being very wanting in length, but I was still ruminating on the beautiful part.